Last Night

My last night in India. Luckily, I have the room to myself. It's almost ten. I hear the whirring of the fan, the hum of the air conditioning unit, and the chirps of the crickets outside.

I still think I made the right decision in coming home early, (think is the word), but I already miss it here. There is something in this country, in this land, that I have never before felt, and I cannot place my finger on it. Whatever it is, I connect with it. I see myself in it. I love it. And I almost cry knowing that in less than 24 hours, I will no longer be among it.

I absolutely love my friends here. I used to think I was a good friend. But they have taught me the meaning of friendship. And they have taught me love. I have found connection in a place where logically I'd never expect to. Back home, in a place where logically I'd expect to find belonging among people who look like me and speak my language, I have a much harder time of finding true human connection. Even talking with Celine and Stephane sometimes disrupts my soul and my peace.

I don't like being with foreigners here, even if I am one. How is it going to be when I'm surrounded by them? By U.S. Americans? I fear the disconnection I will feel once I am home. Amidst the advertisements, the superficiality, the weight loss, the plastic surgeries, the cars, the electronics, the big highways.

I love it here. I miss it already. How can I go back after I have felt the simplicity of loving and genuinely living? How can I move on, when I have found such life here?