Fast Forward

The time has come for me to go. People ask if I am afraid or nervous to go to India. I've heard many different ideas of what I should be afraid of, but I don't feel afraid. Although, I have a couple of things I'm trying to prepare for: the switch from a regimented meal plan to eating lots of rice, a paranoia of being pickpocketed, a worry that my relationship with individuals at the organization will be centered around transactions of money rather than friendship, and culture shock.

1) I have progressed a lot this past year in eating a healthy, balanced diet. I have also tried to consume a lot less carbs. Now when I eat a lot of them, I feel like dying. In addition, I have eaten A LOT of Indian food this week. I still love it, but boy, I feel so heavy and immobile afterwards.

2) In Italy I developed a crazy paranoia of being pickpocketed. Before leaving to go anywhere, whether it was leaving the place where I lived or exiting the bus, I always had to literally check my purse and pockets three times to make sure everything was accounted for. And I could have gone on checking; I had to will myself to believe everything was accounted for and to walk away.

3) Enough said.

4) Culture Shock


I've experienced it before, and everyone has. Yes, you too. If a person has experienced changing circumstances in life, whether it's moving from Arizona to Utah or breaking up with a longtime partner, one has experienced culture shock. It's the process your body and emotions go through to adapt to changing environments. But the thing is, if a person is experiencing culture shock when living in a different country, it means that he/she is doing something right. They're growing! They're adapting. And in order to do that, there has to be the sense of loss, or that feeling of being engulfed in the winds of change, in the waves of the unknown.

Each person has different symptoms of culture shock. One of mine is always homesickness and not wanting to leave my sense of place behind. It gets me every time. Leaving my abode in Salt Lake to live with my mom for a few days was difficult. I drove away thinking of all the moments I have lived through in Salt Lake. The bus routes I took. My favorite houses in my neighborhood. The corner of 9th and 9th. The beauty of Temple Square. My friends' house on Lake Street. Utah in the summer time. As you can tell, I very much believe in the power of place.

It is so interesting how moving, or change in general, causes one to reflect and grasp to be back in "how it was". I even started to miss the hard times I've experienced in Salt Lake. Walking up my hill, listening to Lost Stars by Adam Levine, and watching Pioneer Day fireworks below while holding back tears of emotional pain I was enduring at the time. Or strolling home from screenwriting class in the middle of the night along 500 South; the way I walked under the street lamps that glowed in the dark.

At times I am ashamed of my homesickness. And one would think that a person who tends to get homesick would not be so interested in traveling to and living in foreign places. But, it makes sense to me. I appreciate emotions. I try to experience every moment to its fullest, even moments of missing people or things. And I feel that I appreciate the significance of life changes.

I know that hard times and various challenges are ahead, in India and wherever I will be. But I don't feel afraid. I am thankful for that. After all, having fear is not a comfortable feeling. I'm excited for the opportunities. Some believe that before we were born, all of us shouted for joy at the thought of coming to earth and experiencing life. There have been times when I have wondered why anyone would do that with all the suffering and heartbreak that life brings. Now, as I look forward to something, maybe I understand. At least a bit.